Kristi Noem apparently forgot that she lives in the nation that fell for Nixon's Checkers speech.

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Seventy-nine years ago today, Adolf Hitler committed suicide.

Tucker Carlson is at home, taking no calls, and asks that you respect his privacy on this tragic anniversary.

KRISTI NOEM: THE MISSING CHAPTERS

CHAPTER 32 - I Went Hunting With My Three Best Friends and Came Back with My Two Best Friends

GOVERNOR NOEM EXPLAINS:

In my book, I neglected to mention that the dog was a mule transporting fentanyl for the Sinaloa Cartel and the goat was seducing young and impressionable farm boys. By terminating them I was just doing my patriotic duty as an American.

Inspired by Lara Trump's wildly successful career as a recording artist, South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem has just released her cover version of a Patti Page classic, 'I Must Shoot That Doggie in the Window.'

There's an upside to even the ugliest stories. For instance, after their mom killed a dog and a goat because they pissed her off, I'm betting Kristi Noem's kids were the best behaved children in South Dakota.

The Hamas Nazis at Columbia: “We CAN’T be anti-Semites — Jewish Voices for Peace is on our side!”

The RepubliNazis in Washington: “We CAN’T be racist — Clarence Thomas is on our side!”

Imagine how politically tone-deaf you must be to think that boasting about killing puppies is the road to the vice presidency.

Killing people of color or even white people if the alternative is sane gun laws? Klanservatives are fine with that. But don't touch their puppies!

On Fox 'News,' Trump-lawyer-turned-Trump-spokesmodel Alina Habba lamented that her Führer's trial is taking place 'in Manhattan, which is a completely blue state.'

Ms. Habba's mastery of the law is equaled only by her knowledge of basic geography.

Jesse Watters to the Hollywood Reporter: “If Biden wins fair and square, of course I’ll tell my viewers he won fair and square.”

The Fox newsclown swears he’ll be as honest with his viewers as he was with his first wife while he was banging the woman who is now his second wife.

So to review:

Fox 'News' and the Trump Klux Klan insist that their Beloved Führer is fit enough to endure the tremendous physical stress and strain of being president for four years.

But sitting in a chair will kill him.

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Running for reelection to the U.S. Senate, Bob Casey will debate his GOP opponent David McCormick this fall.

One debate will take place in Casey's hometown of Scranton, Pennsylvania and another will take place in McCormick's hometown of Westport, Connecticut.

Adolf Musk is considering an endorsement of Trump.

In other words, the world's wealthiest anti-Semite will respond to Tesla's plunging profits by making them fall even further.

Tesla says profits fell 55 percent in the first quarter.

For some strange reason people would rather not buy a car from a self-driving Nazi.

Collagen addict Lara Trump thinks 81 million people did NOT vote for Biden in 2020.

Of course Lara also thinks she can sing, so facing reality is not part of her skill set.

President-reject Trump is fond of saying Biden 'can't put two sentences together.'

And to be sure, Donald CAN usually put two sentences together.

Unfortunately, the second sentence only occasionally has any logical connection to the first.

The sultans of the Ottoman Empire had the Imperial Harem.

Vladimir Putin has the House Republicans.

The House has completed voting on the Ukraine aid bill. The final tally:

311 - Yes
112 - Nyet

TODAY’S CHALLENGE: Use the word “hormones” in a sentence.

And the winner is… “Every time Marjorie Taylor Greene speaks, people say ‘Putin’s hormones again.’”

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