Injury Report 9/26/25 tOSU Michael Shi: At UMich Finck: Pulling Trig

Just won in an absolute burner against BGSU. It just isn’t the same without the old libero. I miss you. Btw #69 on bama 2s should be kicked out of school. There’s kids around can we lock in? #shrinkthegame

Sup guys. Just wanted to inform yall that sister Jean and the Loyola Fumblers have been curb stomped by Nathan “Finck” Finck and the boys. 69 on Bama 2s subbed himself out today. Shoutout my dog Mijas. #dihcreamin

What’s up everyone. It’s time for the hardest wood classic. Injury Reports about to come out. If anything offends you, just know these were written by Salisbury. #rando

Injury Report: Hardest Wood Classic 11/7/25: Ben Brown: Jaegerbombed Denny: Ur not Olu stop trying to deadlift 900 pounds Jerry: Larry Fitzgerald Reid: Wonged ZB: Babysitting his big brother Keaton: Freeze Dhruv: Standing Float Jacob: Unc I need you

Injury Report: Hardest Wood Classic 11/7/25 Denison: Revenge Tour ZBulge: The woat dye player Sheehan: Aspen, Colorado Fuko: Goodnight Noodle: 2 hrs late Adrian: Also 2 hrs late (Coincidence?) Johnson: What’s it called Charlos: Beating ender dragon Olu: Steezed

Injury Report: Hardest Wood Classic 11/7/25 Padge: Someone pet this man Adarsh: Champaign addict (out for year) Liem: $10,000 in debt from dues Liem: Why the fuck is your name spelled like that Liem: Cranking off into a sock (he has no clean ones left) Liem: My bad dude

Injury Report: Hardest Wood Classic 11/7/25 Stone: Healthy

Injury Report: Munch Madness 12/6/25 Smith: Gay disease DMW: Finally at his Alma mater ZB: Uber for Ryah (5 stars) Elias: Hoepered Jacobs: Large Polish Oskar: Literally gonna die tomorrow Farrell: MNLed Mijas: Getting touched (sexually)

Injury Report: Munch Madness 12/6/25 Finck: Chopstix Hood: Zooshed Keaton: Ferd Ferdy Fest Olu: Lim wants you bro DMW: At The James Boze: Slimed ZB: Camoed

Shoutout to the Rauman family of The Orange Krush for a huge win at purdon’t today. Could not have done it without the grace and energy that that family has brought to our lovely campus. #ricotime

Injury Report Purdon’t 1/31: Noodle: Joes Brewery Staff Noodle: Walgreens Staff ZB: Ordering tbell ZB: Ate his tbell ZB: Ordering more tbell Smith: Motorboat Smith: Lawnmower

Injury Report Purdon’t 11/31: Charley: Kirkified Padget: Eleanored Olu: Broke his funny bone Shelven: Wrong Address Brom: Saving private noodle Farrell: Failed beer for beer Liem: Pay your dues Katya: Leader of the cult of Finck Hood: Beer watchin

Injury Report Purdon’t 1/31: Jerry: Bromley afties Denny: Strained supraspinatus tendon Krys: RIP (fly high sweet king) Reid: Stealing Finck’s flow Shasteen: GIVE ME MY FUCKING CLIPPERS BACK Muldoon: Fr pay ur dues Muldon’t: CHENG BALLLLL

Injury Report Purdon’t 1/31: ZB: Designing the spunk sweaters Farrell: Reminiscing Dihlan: 20% sure Jesse has a crush on him Finck: We should totally get an Airbnb at Waupaca Adarsh: Meat riding Kitchell: Miss u bbg

Not really feeling all the Charlie Kirk memes guys. He’s one of the better outsides on our team and I won’t tolerate the disrespect anymore. #shrinkthegame #kirkified

Covers $40 at lion. Per Kilton Rauman

Injury Report: Natty’s (The Final One): Dillon: Inspired by Stacy ZB: Warding off Finck with Apples Finck: The Ole Ball and Chain Bozzi: Cat catching Stone: Watching CSUN Smith: Mowing the lawn Olu: Running Muldoon way too fast Muldoon: Percolating

Injury Report: Natty’s (The Final One) Charlos: Pedo Stache Hood: Stache looks actually sick Jacob: Promised 3000 years ago Liem: Watching Kylan Boswell sex tape Jerry: Mangina #1 Elias: Mangina #2 Farrell: Beer for beered Ben Brown: Crotched

Injury Report: Natty’s (The Final One) Hood: It’s been a pleasure. Keep your loved ones close and your enemies closer. It’s Johnson time. It doesn’t get Eddie vedder than this. Love you Bendes. #khw #itsallover #notgay