I'm going to ◻ Paris ◻ London ◻ USA ☑ Kitchen, I'm hungry.

I heard she was born naked, that slut.

Clapping the longest during the assembly because you're a fearless bastard.

Thank God pets can't talk. They know too much.

people: watch your language me: oh shit sorry

Zombies eat brains, you're safe.

All I do at school is wait for it to be over.

No one likes: - Mondays - Homework - Fake friends - School - Being ignored - An empty fridge - Being replaced - Slow Internet

Things you must try on an elevator!

Kanye West said he'll be the next Nelson Mandela? Man has a porn star as a wife and a compass as a daughter.

Short horror story: School tomorrow

This sex, is sex, how sex, to sex, keep sex, a sex, dumbass sex, busy sex, for sex, 20 seconds sex! Now read this without saying sex.

When I clean my room: 1% Cleaning 29% Complaining 70% Playing with stuff I just found

I gotta dig bick. You that read wrong. That awkward when you read that wrong also. And said "moment" after awkward. This is awkward...

I don't think it's a coincidence that morning and mourning sound the same.

"Dude can I shower with you?" "Dude! That's gay as hell!!" "No-Homo" "Oh, come on in!"

I hope karma slaps you in the face before I do.

Spongebob: | ( • )( • ) | Patrick: / ( • )( • ) \ Squidward: ( (•)(•) ) Plankton: | (•) | Mr. Krabs: |•||•| RT if you can see them!

RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU HAVE A HOPELESS CRUSH ON SOMEONE YOU CAN NEVER CALL YOURS 🙋

Follow my new account MostUselessFactsEver