The town's Burger King is responsible for 85% of Hemel Hempstead's pregnancies.

Jarman Park is named as such because the only places to park are covered in glass, probably from jars thrown by a man.

76% of vaginas in Hemel actually echo when you shout into them.

Condoms were only introduced into Hemel society when a children's birthday party ran out of balloons. They'd never been seen beforehand.

RUMOURED: Berkhamsted Town Council to hold talks over an 'enforced dress code' on the high street. No trainers.

In response to rumours Berkhamsted Town Council are proposing an enforced dress code, Cheshamites are enforcing 'dress down day'. Every day.

The rumours of dress codes being enforced in neighbouring towns has prompted Hemel to announce today as 'Legs Open Sunday'.

47% of Hemel residents have attempted to use a bin liner as a makeshift contraceptive. The remaining 53% have never used a contraceptive.