I don't think the rabbis wanted us eating carbs. They were like, you want a little cake or pizza? That'll only be 20 seconds of prayer afterwards. You wanna make a meal out of them? That's gonna cost you five minutes of bentching.

Brevity is the soul of sounding really smart and funny.

"Syria's new Islamic government is really just Israel and Mossad." "Oh, well then we better start protesting the murder of all thoose Druze."

Where does kosher cheese send its kid to school? Cheddar

Ms. Rachel, it's not complicated. You understand nothing about urban warfare fighting a terrorist group that dresses as civilians and fights from within a civilian population which largely supports them.

One of the best parts about being a Lubavitcher in the South is that everyone just assumes you're a weird cowboy.

What you really have is one billion Muslims who hate Israel for religious reasons trying to trick the other 7 billion people on earth to hate Israel for humanitarian reasons.

Everyone's talking about passive income. Jews have passive aggressive income. It's when your paycheck looks okay until you take out for kosher food, schools, shuls, camps, donations, and a thousand sefarim you plan someday to read.

Why does everyone want a ceasefire so bad. You do know that a ceasefire doesn't mean peace, it just means you agree to pause for a bit before you try to start killing each other again. There's no peace possible with Hamas so what's the point of delaying their destruction?