Throwing a Don’t Kill Yourself Dinner Party where everyone brings a dish so delicious that we remember why life is worth living

Instead of texting ‘on my way’ I’m just gonna start sending this

Having a child is probably insane. Imagine you're driving home from your job that you hate in your car that doesn't work to your house that you don't own and there's a little thing there that asks you for ice cream cake for dinner

Dudes will drink 2 cold brews and pop a zyn just to send emails all day

so THIS is why people do drugs

Trump starts pointless trade war. Canada threatens to retaliate by withholding electricity from the US. Trump’s press sec says this is fine because Jesus didn’t have electricity. Literally the dumbest possible timeline.

Trump said the world will respect us again when he is elected, but now our closest ally is booing our national anthem on live television. Is that winning?

They’re eating the checks They’re eating the balances

it's hard to explain but i haven't had this feeling since 2011 x.com/pop1786165/sta…

The Oscars: we gotta cut down on the runtime Also The Oscars: *7 minute James Bond musical interlude in a year where there was no James Bond movie released*

I was feeling a little Rossome today :) RossPal

"somebody’s watching me, it’s my anxiet- “ SHUT TF UPPP

My Death Row meal is an Albuquerque Turkey meal with a large Diet Coke from Schlotzsky's. Unmatched and undefeated.

NOW - Trump says Israel and Iran "don’t know what the f*ck they're doing."

Dang ol’ RIP Chuck Mangione, I tell ya what

This could literally pass as a scene straight from The Office

Political violence is unacceptable in a country that stands for democracy, free speech, and individualism. This nation needs hope again.

He fucking did it again