You are not the king of your brain. You are the creepy guy standing next to the king going "a most judicious choice, sire".

The Wonka experience has just reached my manager at work. 'Have you heard about The Unknown' he says as he angles his phone towards me. 'Have you seen this?' 'I've seen everything Duncan.' I say as the whites of my eyes turn blood red. 'EVERYTHING!'

asking New Yorkers what they would do with 1 million dollars

Calling in sick to work cus of the little flags on the football shirts. Tenderly singing the national anthem with my six sons to stop them from weeping. Locking my wife in her cage cus of the little flags.

Very, very proud of Claire Rammelkamp who is OBJECTIVELY the funniest person in the world.

sometimes i wish i was a baby

🧵(1) Imagine, you're a working class actor from Wigan, you pay for your flat by working at a coffee shop because it's the only job that will allow you time off for auditions. Every month you pay for classes, workshops and casting sites, and the call comes in, London, tomorrow.

Actors if you are a member of Mandy you really need to take a close look at their new terms. I am horrified Equity I hope you can look into this. 🙄🙄

‘I’m sick of it!’ The diabolical reality of being one of the few working-class people in TV theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/a…

Me interviewing for an arts job: I'm a working class cretin! I'm so downtrodden! And sickly! I didn't hold a book until I was 14 years old! I'm also a polymath genius who HATES money, has no self-respect and can magically live in a major city on less than minimum wage! :)

A beautiful, gorgeous time to be alive. Adore having to text my friends and family 'careful of the nazis they're in Bristol again'.

Me when I teach my 23 year colleagues about Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Wooo I'm being featured on BBC Upload ! Catch my sketch 'Small Talk' this week with Adam Crowther To listen: tune into BBC Radio Bristol & BBC Radio Somerset Thurs 7pm onwards and Sat eve: 6-8pm onwards #comedysketch BBC Radio Bristol BBC Bristol BBC Somerset #bristolcomedy

I love auditioning for stuff in person because I get to meet other actors in the waiting room and it's like 'Oh, that's what I'd look like if I went to the gym, owned nice clothes and also didn't hate myself'.

I bring a 'what do your parents do for a living' energy to theatre networking events that my fellow creatives just love!

OPENING IN 3 WEEKS! Get a behind the scenes look at the inspiration & creation of 🧚‍♀️TINK artwork starring composer and solo performer, KAT KLEVE ! Photography by Michael Wharley & Rebecca Pitt . ⏲️ 8-20 October 🎟️ All tickets £22.50: theotherpalace.co.uk/tink/.

Mr Loverman is extremely good.

Please help if you can. lbc.co.uk/news/sarah-cun… LBC