“No arms. No legs. He has a wife and five mistresses. Five, Jerry! I can’t get five minutes with ONE! What does he have that i don’t have?”

“Hair, for one thing.”

Wait this isn't shopped?

YES

St. Augustine, Confessions:

Everyone is saying Always Sunny as a counter, but Always Sunny needs you to know that it knows the characters are awful. It’s as moralistic as Andy Griffith. Seinfeld was braver, tackled the depravity of the average soul. People hated the finale because it was a judgment on us

Today, 29 April, we celebrate the feast of our Dominican sister, St Catherine of Siena, patron of Europe, Italy, and Dominican tertiaries. This photo shows the chapel in Siena where her head is enshrined. May she pray for us, & for the unity of the Church flic.kr/p/2pN7AeF

Imagine being in the casino and betting $10 on a hand of blackjack. You got 19 & The dealer is showing three, so you say “fck it” and double down with your entire life savings. The dealer flips at 10 takes a hit, gets an 8 & hits 21. Imagine as the dealer smirks, you look across…

The Pope arriving in a boat to Venice!

It feels so ancient and grand. And Italian, too.

The Church is old, but also, new!

She is eternally consistent, & she never changes. But men change, & men come & go, so men eternally discover & rediscover the Church of Jesus Christ, & for them it is new, & in their newness to it they recreate it fresh as from the beginning.

Just submitted my master's thesis for signatures by my readers

This is actually happening

I am glad the prayer to St. Michael has had a resurgance among Catholics. Not for aesthetic reasons, but because I believe demons are real, & have real power in this world. But God has given the Archangel Michael power to drive them away & come to the aid of Christians.

The most unrealistic part of Wolverine is that a man that looks and smells like a wet dog as well as being a general asshole 50% of the time can be liked by so many women

“In the name of my Jesus I forgive you, I love you and I will always pray for you”-

Assyrian Bishop Mar Mari Emmanuel message today to the Islamist who stabbed him a few week ago at a church in Sydney

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in 1967, when he was a sophomore at UCLA. Kareem was an early customer of custom tailors. His tailor, who had to stand on a chair to measure his chest, noted that he had an inseam of 51'. Note the high-rise trousers and longer jacket.

Once I was in a taxi with a friend of mine & his girlfriend. My friend was describing something I had done, & his gf asked if I had done it ironically. My friend replied, 'Shoultz doesn't do anything ironically,' & I consider it one of the nicest things anyone has said about me.

I love how Shaq signs on to sell literally any product. He’s like Krusty the Clown

They'll Never Stop The Simpsons!

Have no fears, we've got stories for years!

Like

Marge becomes a robot

Maybe Moe gets a cell phone

Has Bart ever owned a bear?

Or, how 'bout a crazy wedding?

Where something happens and doo doo doo doo doo

Please stop