If you don’t really give a shit, you won’t even remember whom you don’t give a shit and you sometimes end up starting to talk to them.

Let’s call it even. Girls can’t deal with jars and Guys suck at plastic wrap.

Love is in the air. And I’m a fish.

Took my goldfish to the vet and said it has toothache.

I spent 20 bucks on robux and my daughter spent it on a sloth and a halo. 🤦‍♂️

Is it wrong to not feel any guilt or shame after eating cheese together with condensed milk?

You aren’t woke af if you gotta say you’re woke af.

#WhatsHappeninglnMyanmar These innocent kids will be executed today by the Burmese murderer military regime. And the world’s still not so sure who the bad guys are ?

Art store cashier : today’s say no to plastic day , you can buy plastic bags with 20 Bahts though

There’s a poor little doggo in my neighborhood which has only three legs. I named him “tripod” and now my daughters stopped talking to me.

Yo momaa so dumb she’d laugh at this joke without needing a punchline.

Life is too short to read their “life is too short” quotes that they posted together with their photos.

There are two types of people in this world. Maybe more.

Hell could be a coffee shop you’re sitting in that plays jazz version of take my breath away.

My skins so fucked up if you zoom in and scan my face it’ll take you to a website.

You hit wrong note even when you play cowbell.

Me: hey siri Siri: Awwshit not you again

My phone finally recognizes my face with a joint sticking outta my mouth. Not sure if I should be happy or scared.

Watching a standup on Instagram. Disappointed cos it wasn’t funny. Then realized it was a TED-talk.