Really bad news guys, uweboll backed out of the project. We're officially currently looking for a new director for our #Bodyguard remake. If anyone has any suggestions please hit up our hotline, number below...

During quarantine we also created a new dating app for Juggalos and the Kiss army to finally meet and mate. We called it Clown Kisses but it was banned from the apple store within 3 days of launch. They never gave us a reason why.

Personally, I prefer to just eat the pits of stone fruits. I'm going around LA "depositing" fruit trees so if you ever have a random plum tree sprout up in your yard, you know who to thank

My brother works for Senator Joe Manchin. Write complains/suggestions below and I'll be sure to pass them along

Crime Pays But Botany Doesn't youtube.com/watch?v=Xbma86…

How much does it cost to rent a Llama? In Arizona.

We used to do a lot of Cocaine

There's a story my grandpa used to tell

My dog will totally eat your panties so pick those shits up!

I’m lying. He doesn’t really do that anymore. I’m so basic now that I follow around my roomba from room to room to make sure it’s cleaning every corner

…but my roomba will eat yo panties so pick them shits up!

Duck hunt fucked up, rubbing warthog elbows don't offer no luck. Rata tat tat, gat gat.

You know, the reason they make you close your window before your plane takes off is so you dont see them bring your plane into the hanger where they shot the moon landing and then set up the projector that makes you think your flying around a globe. #FlatEarth

50/50 opinion stated as fact because it's in the twitter format.

Pulled a muscle in my back while taking a shit.

There is nothing as invigorating as desecrating another cultures sacred lands with one's own lust for eternal conquest.

small pp power

When your seat at a show is in the middle of a long row full of seated people, you face a crucial decision of how to pass the people on the way to your seat.

Most people slide along clumsily with their ass toward the seated people's faces.

I prefer to face the people, stare each one of them in the eyes as I uncomfortably press my knees against each of theirs and mumble, "oh you're soft."