Healthy eating. Scouring the house for hidden treats. Found a piece of popcorn and an old wine gum down the side of the settee cushions, can’t eat them can I? It’s hard typing with your mouth full.

Stopped at the golf course on my bike to get my daily quota of people moaning at me about the course being too hard 🙃

People who swig straight from the mixing jug, pack it in you scruffy gets.

Gone in heavy on the Yorkshire Salad.

Had a long walk and called in at the cemetery to say hello to my Mam and Dad. Two young blokes buried either side of them, my Dad wouldn’t have died if he knew they would be there, he wasn’t struck on either of them.

Kebabs and fish masala for the win

Just sewn a button on like someone from an Emily Brontë novel.

Put my cross in the Tory box to prove how much I don’t want them.

Got someone’s poster up in my window but I haven’t been to vote. It’s not a real election though is it? Isn’t this just about dogshite on paths and where the Christmas Tree goes on the village green?

Sunburnt and bitten by bugs. Just want the rain back.

Who should I vote for for London Mayor, had nothing through the post.

Car in today. Had a message coming coming up saying child lock fault for about 9 months. Turns out that the doors were always open when it was locked. I like to address these things urgently.

Jab day. Anyone that suffers from cluster headaches or particularly severe migraines hit your Dr up for Ajovi jabs, one a month and amazing. You may have to buy a few until the NHS gets to you or wait if you can’t but it’s worth it.

New iron being delivered today. All I’ve got to wear that’s not crinkled is a dry cleaned tuxedo and a pair of Sealskin waterproof socks.

Can’t take anymore golf. Got feet like two pans of tripe.

Irons blown up. Got to face the general public in wrinkly form. Devastated.

Talking about hugging on the telly. All my pals are huggers, every single one. It’s feels odd to not hug!

Bath n bed.