I accidentally signed off an email with ‘see you spoon’ to someone very important today and the cringe aftershocks may follow me into the grave

I would be a terrible ghost because I would like never ever answer a ouija board call

I think the coolest part of being human is experiencing music.

1000% agree.

True friends don’t have to speak all the time, but when you do speak- it’s like no time has passed at all

Twitter is 61% male and you see a large portion of them vying for women’s attention by sympathizing and acting empathetic towards whatever certain women post.(Guys, women aren’t stupid. They notice this too). A lot of guys have started mimicking the same effeminate

Happy Friday everyone 🥳

you gotta pick either bright or early cuz i can't do both

Can't. I'm slipping into soup mode.

remember, don’t be an arse on the internet today daily inspiration by Z

When I say "I'll call you later", I really mean any time in the next 7 to 10 years.

I’m up before 5am again for a week straight so I guess I’m this person now.

The chimp train.. 😅

I'll always like a self depreciating tweet , if you think you suck then I believe you.

is it time to mute pumpkin spice again🖤

If you look into a mirror and say "Elon Musk" three times, he's still a cunt.

Absolutely! 💯 Happy Friday fuckers! 💚

*wonders if people named Mike shout "mic drop" instead of "parkour" when they fall over

The rail bridge over the River Forth, Scotland.

Stop romanticizing the "good old days", you were a miserable fucker then too.