Dang!
They put my photo on their wall, I’ve been banned from this store for some reason.

Today’s “Cuteness Overload”…

My wife asked me if I was even listening.

I thought to myself, “What a strange way to start a conversation”…

I just want you to know that someone out there cares.
Not me, but someone.

So, my wife and I decided we don’t want to have children. We’ll be telling them tonight at dinner.

I haven’t been suspended from Twitter in a while, I suspect my content checker passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.

Pay Phones in every shopping center.

Remember “Full Service” gas stations?
Those were the days.

What else has disappeared from our lives?

A few years ago I had to start doing my own checkout, now at some places I have to take my own order too?

Dang!
Woke up sexy again.

My voices are arguing.

You need some puppy yoga in your life.
Volume up.

When you love someone, you love them as they are, not as you’d like them to be.

We’re not old.
We just need a little WD-40 and some duct tape.

Dating Tips for Women

1. Find a man that works and helps around the house.
2. Find a man who makes you laugh.
3. Find a man who is honest and reliable.
4. Find a man who loves and spoils you.
5. Make sure these 4 men don’t know each-other.

The best architects take the sun into account.

“Honey, are you using drugs?”
“No Dad, why would you ask that?”

“Because you’re slicing onions with your credit card.”

When you’re dead, you don’t know you’re dead. All the pain is felt by others.

The same thing happens when you’re stupid.

I can’t find my “Gone In 60 Seconds” DVD.

It was here a minute ago.
😉

New parachute for sale. Used once, never opened.
Only $142.00