God: you’re a clam.

Clam: yippee skippee!

God: you have a hard outer shell.

Clam: but I’m a big softie on the inside!

God: you live in the ocean.

Clam: [puts Salt Life sticker on shell] yay!

God: lol you’re in a good mood.

Clam: I’m as happy as a me : )

God: you’re a black cat.

Black Cat: ok!

God: you’re bad luck to everyone but Halloween Witches.

Black Cat: why do they like me?

God: you bring them seance candles.

[later]

Black Cat: I’ve got ocean mist, clean cotton or christmas cookie.

Witch: ar-are those yankee candles?

God: you’re a mantis.

Mantis: actually I’m a praying mantis.

God: oh I like that very pious.

Mantis: thanks : )

God: you know what just for that I’m gonna give you your pick of where you want to live AND what you eat.

Mantis: yay!

Dung Beetle: ok hold up.

God: you’re a spider.

Spider: I don’t like that name.

God: um ok what do you wanna be called.

Spider: well I have long legs.

God: so spider lo-

Spider: daddy long legs : )

God: w-what?

Spider:

God:

Spider: [whispers] call me daddy.

God: I’m very uncomfortable right now.

God: you’re a kori bustard.

Kori: ok.

God: you’re the worlds heaviest flying bird.

Kori: how much can I weigh?

God: 42 lbs or 19 kgs.

Kori: is that max flying weight?

God: yep!

Ostrich: [wearing Lululemon yoga pants and sweatband standing on a scale] only 278 lbs to go : )

God: you’re a wolf.

Wolf: cool quick question.

God: sure.

Wolf: who’s that?

Dog: [tail wag] hi!

God: he’s your distant relative.

Wolf: we’re related?

God: on your Mom’s side.

Wolf: ugh could this day get more embarrassing?

God:

Pug: [buggy eyes and heavy breathing].

God: you’re a fish.

Fish: nice.

God: a group of you is called a school.

Fish: oh no!

God: what’s wrong?

Fish: I’m probably a terrible student : (

God: why?

Fish: my grades are all below sea level : )

God:

Fish:

God: my cod.

waddle waddle 🐧 : )

My all-time favorite joke I’ve written : )
Bon Appetit 🐸

God Creates Buffalo equals Wholesome Fun.

God Creates Wolf.

God: you’re a goose.

Goose: actually I’m a silly goose.

God: what?

Goose: everyone thinks I’m mean but I’m actually quite silly.

God: I don’t know what to say.

Goose: say I’m a silly goose.

God: no.

Goose: say it.

God: I’m not saying it.

Goose: [pinches God’s nose] HONK!

God: you’re a capybara.

Capybara: yay!

God: you’re the largest rodent.

Capybara: double yay!

God: also you live in South America.

Capybara: so cool!

God: wow you’re in a great mood!

Capybara: just living my personal motto!

God: which is?

Capybara: don’t worry be Capy : )

God: you’re a dog.

Dog: [stretches back].

God: looks nice.

Dog: I call it downward facing dog or downdog for short.

God: let me try [stretches back] so nice.

Dog: now try updog.

God: what’s updog?

Dog: nothing what’s up with you : )

God:

Dog:

God: you’re a good boy lol.

God: you’re a marsupial.

Kangaroo: what does that mean?

God: you’re a mammal with a pouch.

Kangaroo: so I can carry my precious cargo?

God: yes exactly!

Kangaroo: like these French fries : )

God: or-or your children.

Kangaroo:

God:

Kangaroo: [whispers] pouch potatoes.