As a goat I want a supportive working environment so that I feel comfortable focusing on the task at hand.

As a goat I want to drive when we pair program so that you can focus on telling me what we need to do next.

As a goat I want to bury my head in the hay sometimes so that I don't have to think about my toxic work environment and how I'll need to do code challenge interviews again soon.

As a goat I want to jump around and have fun on the weekends, but mostly I want to sleep so that I can handle the emotional damage of working through global trauma.

Spagoatti

As a goat, I've just discovered I have direct messages going back years. Including permission to share this goat, which I'm doing now, because every day should be #WorldGoatDay

As a goat I want to have the same opportunities as four-legged goats so that we all know we were hired for our wits.

As a goat I want to walk a mile or so in my newest developers' shoes so that neither of us get blisters.

As a goat I want to solve my cacheing problem so that I have more balanced assets.

As a goat I want to get all of us on the same page regarding best coding practices so that we can stop reorganizing hay and files every other month.

As a goat I want to be paid based on my performance so that I don't have any reason to be jealous of my colleagues just because they live on a (not all that much) higher cost of living farm.

As a goat I want to pair with goats at my level and also with more experienced goats so that I can make a big impact for my barn.

As a goat I want to work in the cold again so that I can be cozy and this darn sun will stop trying to melt me.

As a goat I want to understand new things so that I don't complain about it so vocally. And so that I don't get written up for complaining about things so vocally.

As a goat I want to see eye to eye with my colleagues so that we aren't being a couple of asses.

Hot day, hot song. The goats and I are feeling Heated, BEYONCÉ. Loving this track. #GoatSongs #Renaissance

As a goat [tweeter] I wanted to return to this account soon so that I could heal from losing my [human] mom recently. To bring back joy with our shared love for goats in tech. If Twitter doesn't die, I'll meet you back at the barn. Thank you, @mmrobins @JodyJunebug_64 Laura Giles 🎣.

As a goat I want you to help me revert, if needed so that I can deploy with impunity.

Most of the full text from screenshot is in alt text! Got a bit cut-off, but DM me your literary GOAT submissions. The Chief Editorial Goat reserves the right not to post submissions for any reason.

As a government goat, I want to dispatch my weekly justification email so that I can prove I'm the GOAT and not merely a scapegoat.