My wife: “You smell so good baby. You smell like a sterile man”

Me: « You mean viril? »

😳😳😳

Here's an idea,

A little bit of swift judge dread type of justice for pedos would probably calm them the fuck down.

Here's how it'll play out:

SCOTUS: 'We'll rule in 88 days'
August Trump: 'Now, it's election interference, 3 months before election, comon. SCOTUS, what do you say?'
SCOTUS: 'We'll review it... in 2 months'
October SCOTUS: 'We'll rule in December'
Jan Trump: 'I pardon myself'

DeJoy?

Joe Pesci is a boxing trainer now?

In other news, Gaslighting has reached a new high today in NYC

What does Santa say when mother Claus farts?

« Ho Ho Holy shit!!! »

Wife taking out the left over chicken, opening the container « where’s the… you ate all the skin???? »

Me: 😳

Wife: « You’re gay!!! »

😳😳

Im on the fence (not really but it’s better than watching a horror movie)

There’s a tiny part of my brain that’s curious to see the Armageddon that would happen if Trump’s elected

I’ve got a sandworm in my lung 😩😩😩

NASA director, Lisa Dombrowsky was heard saying: “That’s what you get when you make decisions on women’s bodies. Payback’s a bitch”
😳

/60
*10….5

Soros again!!!!

Of course there’s a cure, sleep it off

There is a disease where you eventually stop sleeping and then die. There is no cure.

Me when I just farted at a funeral

So, I was talking to a friend the other day and I showed him a picture of Trump and asked for one word to describe him and he said: 'Nimble'

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Anybody noticed how often “yeah” is uttered in the series Succession ? 😳😳😳😳😳

Me: « What’s a penis elbow?”

My doctor: 😳

National geographic: “This condition, mainly found in Russia…”