Coughing is not a great way to cover up a fart. It only makes it more powerful. #LifeLesson

So Kim Kardashian got flour bombed on a red carpet for wearing fur. No witty followup here, just thought it was funny.

#TeamBreezy, meet #TeamCommonSense. You're at opposite ends of the spectrum.

#HappyBirthdayUndertaker I got him a new shovel and a hat.

Lana Del Rey and Marylin Manson are rumoured to be in a relationship? Phew, at least they're not collaborating on a new album.

Dick Cheney now has a heart thanks to a transplant. Guess calling him Tinman is out now. Bush is still the scarecrow until he gets a brain.

"#BeliebersDeserveRespect" The world owes you nothing, it was here first.

I'm the one who suggested to Iron Fist to get rid of the popped collar. #YoureWelcomeWorld

I'm also the one who told Luke Cage to get rid of the tiara #YoureWelcomeWorldAgain

I can't wait for the day when I tell my grandkids that MTV used to play music and they look at me like, "Wtf you on grampa?"

Why are Beiber fans hyping the release of his new single? It gets released way past their bedtimes.

I convinced Hellstrom that the Hunger Games is a movie adaptation of America's Next Top Model. Now I don't have to see it with him #Win

Common Sense is so rare these days that it should qualify as a damn super power. #SMH

@Waspish1 It's okay because I'm white.

#newsijustsaw: #FOODFIGHT!