Find out your porn star name by looking in the comments of the video your ex posted on Pornhub.

Really pleased about the big recruitment drive at my local naturist club. It’s always nice to see new members.

Recording my last tour Gary In Punderland in Northampton in October. Tickets available to people on my mailing list when it goes out tomorrow.

I’m not saying I’ve got a bad feeling about my upcoming driving test but the examiner is Gandalf.

I rang up a sex line, the woman said I'll do anything you want' I said 'OK, reverse the charges'

They did that on purpose

I bought my nephew a hoverboard. It’s not much but at least it keeps him off the streets

Dragon’s Den pitch: Madam Tussauds but they’re voodoo dolls.

Get your tickets now! ticketsource.co.uk/dead-men-talki…

Jokes that didn’t make it into the tour

When I married my wife I was also marrying my best friend. Which, it turns out, is illegal.

I’ve got a chip on my shoulders about people calling me a messy eater.

When I tried acupuncture for the first time I felt like I’d done it before. I had a real sense of Deja Voodoo.

The hotel I’m staying at says Thursdays are for water sports. I knew I’d misjudged it when I turned up and everyone else was wearing a snorkel.

Rejected jokes. - Welsh Grandad

My Norfolk friend can count on one hand the number of cheap jokes I’ve made about him being inbred. Six.

Quick gag on ISIHAC on BBC Radio 4

Not in the next tour but good

I went to drive thru wedding in Las Vegas. It was a lovely service and they had everything.... oil, brake pads, filters…