Breaking News: the President is allocating a portion of the federal budget to reestablish the Ministry of Silly Walks

#Doomsday theorists: Now that June 21, 2020 passed, can we please stop all "End of the World" prophecies? It's a lose-lose scenario. If you're wrong, no one is ever going to take you seriously ever again. And if you're right, there ain't gonna be anyone alive for you to gloat to.

Yo, universe! Can we NOT #2020

Unus Annus is an all-too-necessary reminder that time is finite, unflinching, unyielding. But seeing how much can be done in just one year inspires me to act, to do. Not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to say goodbye. So thank you for the One Year and goodbye #MementoMori

Is 3AM a reasonable time to play with headshot lighting? #headshot #photography

Missed the #GreatConjunction last night because of unfortunate cloud coverage. But tonight did not disappoint

Carlton coming in to save the end of 2020! #RockinEve

Great talk, Jimmy...#RockinEve

#StimulusCheck came through. Hope it lasts

Look, I don't care that Cordarrelle Patterson is dropping F bombs on Nickelodeon. I'm more offended with the stupid graphics, animations, and adults trying to be hip with the youth #CHIvsNO

Was wondering why play was stopped. Didnt realize a flag was thrown. Blue? #CHIvsNO

Ooh, unsportsmanlike conduct penalty. Can't have that garbage playing out on Nickelodeon. The kids! #CHIvsNO

Staffers have been working on trying to fix the temperature at the White House. It's been minus 45 for a while now. #InaugurationDay

I put on Robocop to show my GF for the first time. Movie begins w/ a news broadcast about #SpaceLasers hitting California and starting wildfires. Please tell me someone didn't clip that scene to send to Marjorie Taylor Green and say it was real, because I think she'd believe it.

For the next #impeachment trial, the Senate will have Drew Carey presiding over the proceedings. It will be just as effective and just as fair. #comedy #meme #memes

If you're upset about Hasbro dropping the "Mr." from the #PotatoHead toy name, then might I suggest you go out and buy your own male potatoes like people had to do themselves in 1952.

What are the chances that Elon Musk bought the #WuTang album just so that he can market a new line of #Tesla that comes with the album pre-downloaded, further driving interest in the vehicle and further sending the stock up?!

Howdy! This here is a fundraising campaign for an upcoming indie film that I'm fortunate to be a part of. Check it out! #indiefilm #supportindiefilm

I think its fine that the Washington Football Team hasn't picked a new name yet. Make it like having to redeem Chuck E. Cheese tickets. "You won ten games in two years? Pick a name from the bottom shelf." They can be the Redskins again if they go undefeated and win the Super Bowl

Al Michaels summing up Thursday Night Football this year with that goal line stop. "Go figure..." You can just feel this man's love of the game withering with each passing second. #WASvsCHI