Aasking me to choose between Jersey Shore and Housewives of NJ is like asking me to choose between my children; Cuz I don't like them either

Forget flying cars, I just want someone to design a tissue box you don't have to sling off to get the last few tissues

A man would do nothing if he waited until he could do it so well that no one could find fault. ~John Henry Newman

Unless I'm wrong on this... well, I'm right

Whoa - Ate something bad and now my body is producing gas like BP

There is no such thing as an absolute statement. Period.

If the Law of Attraction were true, there would be lots of unicorns, elves, and fairies near mental institutions.

40% Off a single item @ Office Depot (no tech) -- http://goo.gl/SzLCP

Once you have a baby, the phrase "adult movies" has an entirely different meaning.

The parts of ourselves we hate most are the parts that most desperately need our love.

$10 Off $40 @ Drugstore.com -- http://goo.gl/N30u9

The Facebook Security Setting You Should Change ASAP! -- http://goo.gl/XZtyp

Now hiring Time Machine Engineer. The deadline for resume submission is 3 days ago.

$0.88 Crunchwrap Supremes at Taco Bell (Regularly $2.50+) through 3/5. Limit 2 per person. -- http://goo.gl/mpirx

2TB Western Digital drive for $79.99 @ Amazon -- http://goo.gl/6Yx09

.Charlie Sheen is not #teamfollowback, just incase you were wondering ;-)

Reserve your connect.me username http://cxt.me/2gB1ug

Forget lab-grown kidneys and livers, let's focus on lab-grown brains so we can be prepared for the zombie invasions.