your mentions when you say you don’t think teenagers should be beaten to a pulp over advocating for peace

(Komodo dragons’ wives walk in on them) uhhh we’re fighting

'You can bet on Skee-Ball or a Hot Shots basketball game now, they let you do it!'
'Why are you here? How long have you been disguised as the catcher? You shouldn't be here!'

[being tackled by shock troopers on my way to the campus library] ah, thank you. you have changed my mind, sir. Israel is good now.

You run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. You keep running into assholes all day, and well…

Great job.

preparing to kick the ass of the man who stole my skin

Me, after getting a sensible nights sleep:

Wikipedia page for famous duck.

watching some hoops

From kneeling next to my TV like an old timey radio with the volume at 1 well past my bedtime in the mid nineties to today, Conan O’Brien is still the funniest person alive.

Thunder in 4. Mavs in 7. Wolves in 7. Nuggets in 4.
Celtics in 5. Magic in 6. Pacers in 6. Sixers in 6.
Thunder in 6. Nuggets in 5.
Celtics in 5. Pacers in 6.
Nuggets in 6.
Celtics in 6.
Celtics in 7.
Also, gambling is bad.

Reggie Miller, sitting on his couch watching a team up three make two free throws: “You fools. You fools!”

Cowbells are a crutch for fans of low moral standing and poor hollering skills.

Nana FaceTiming her least favorite grandson.

Foghorn Leghorn exclaiming this after you step on his foot