-- I can't open myself up to that again. I feel like she worked me over, exploited my weakness, the one thing I can't control when I'm --

-- around her, just to get me to listen. And if she did, even if she was sincere.../fuck/, dude. That's no way to start - or /restart/ - --

-- a relationship. I can't take a chance on intensity, on the fact that I still care about her. I need more than that. I need to know --

-- that it's real. And I'm not sure she'll ever be able to make me believe that after the way things were before. For someone to be your --

-- whole world and then not even /exist/ to them... And if I did give her a chance, if we tried to make it work, and I couldn't forgive --

-- her, if I couldn't get past it, if it was real to her...I'd only hurt her more to give her false hope that I can even /do/ that again. --

-- Isn't it easier to hurt her now and leave things the way they were than it is to try and fail and break us both up even more? It's the --

-- smart thing, right? It would be different if I though we could just be friends, if I thought we could work through it in time, but --

-- we're like fire and gasoline. There's no keeping us apart. It goes one way or the other. And I'm pretty sure, either way, we're fucked. -

-- And I know her, I know she probably hates me now, she's probably written me off as a bitch who just used her to strike my long awaited --

-- revenge, but...maybe it's better that way. [[Aleida Alcantara was quiet for a long time, just let me talk, spill my guts out until --

-- her silence unnerved me and I made myself shut up. And then, the heavy weight that was sitting on my chest shifted as she made me --

-- laugh unbidden. "You know I'm gonna have to charge you extra for the therapy session, right?" I let out a slow breath, and neither of --

-- us talked for a minute. There was only the buzz of the tattoo gun, the tick of the clock on the wall, and the occasional car passing --

-- outside. As usual, I didn't like what she had to say. "You know there's only one way to answer all those questions you got, mami. --

-- Just gonna drive you crazy, wonderin'. All you can do is try to talk to her. Or don't. One way, you know. The other, you're just left --

-- with a lot of regrets. So...do you take a chance on getting hurt, or do you let it die and leave yourself with what ifs for the rest --

-- of your life? You loved her. You /do/ love her. So you have to do what's best for her..." If only I had a fucking clue what that was. --

-- And whether it was better to do what was right for her, or what was right for me. How could I even tell the difference?]]

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