This has never felt so accurate #billymadison #canitbeoctobernow

In my most recent load of laundry I washed 1 pair of jeans and 5 yogapants/sweatpants/joggers and that is really not much different from how I spent my freshman year of college. Cue the 25 lb weight gain

Yes! The fact that you’re doing it not because you have to but bc it’s polite to pick up after yourself

What was a nice escape in 2019 feels like a critical need in 2020

Voting by mail is safe and secure. And don't take my word for it: Take it from the President, who just requested his mail-in ballot for the Florida primary on Tuesday.

If you need a pick me up, watch Beyoncé perform “Love on Top” at the 2011 MTV VMAs. Best. Performance. Ever.

Flies land on shit all the time #VPDebate

If I’m charged a missed appt fee at a drs office when I arrive 5 minutes late can I charge them a fee when they make me wait for 45 minutes?

After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time.

What is, devastated.

What’s your favorite over used saying in corporate America? Mine has to be “right.” It’s pretty annoying, right? I feel like we could check in with our audience to ensure they’re following us in another way, right?

So for the Bills fans who said the only thing they want for Christmas “is for the Bills to win the AFC East”...can I return your other gifts?

Fox Mulder we need to talk about how you touch women in season 1 of X files.

Wrote the date this morning and immediately went “wooooaaaahhhhhhh amber is the color of your energy”

In case anyone needs to hear this, chocolate coconut cold brew is back at #wegmans welcome back, my old friend

My husband was complaining we didn’t have any “good snacks” so I told him a story about a magical place that exists, that’s open to everyone, all the time, whenever you want it, and it has hundreds of snacks and you just go and pick out exactly what you like, whenever! 1/2

He did not find my description of a grocery store amusing 2/2

The best thing I ever did was buy a dust buster and tell my kids it was a toy they couldn’t play with. #momwin #nocrumbleftbehind