Nearly the weekend.

Would wear, not sure about the earrings.

What we have learned about scandals is that you need more than one. You need lots. People are so busy with your new scandal, they forget the old one. Done a money scandal? Toss out a hardcore sex scandal. Go full Top Gun, exploding scandals out your arse like counter-measures.

Might go redhead again. Undecided.

The Wank Panzer advances on Devizes, which is basically a wet market for alternative lifestyles, canal people and fucking red trousers, following rumours that the Big Morrisons has got really massive Toblerones for five quid.

Your new favourite redhead just dropped.

Monday, doors to manual.

Manzini Among The Flowers by John William Waterhouse (1885). Oil on canvas (74.2 x 46.2in) Tate, London.

This right, but just the belt.

Doughnuts in reception. Jam for the normal people. Custard for the perverts.

Nobody wants a glazed ring.

The whole point of HS2 was to get out of Birmingham quicker.

Wednesday. Swindon.

Friday

Spring is here, don't forget to put your clocks back later.

Band name, album cover.

I've got a garage full of KitKats, half a tank of oil, there's 300 potholes between here and Devizes and I'm wearing sunglasses.

Current situation in the Persian Gulf, Straits of Hormuz etc. nasty business

Hello. I'm in Marlborough and Mister Manzini has just staged an intervention over a sixty pound cushion.