My uber driver is playing all accapella group versions of katie Perry songs. Wtf. #mistaMista #getMeOuttaHeaaaa

I’m gunna invent a mini washer and drier for nyc apartments and it’s gunna be Bluetooth. If you steal my idea in gunna be pissed.

Make Chuck Norris jokes great again

“‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” does not apply to air pods let me tell you.

Sometimes you just gotta say fuck it and allow yourself to open the luxurious side of the parmesan cheese container

(Arya to Sansa seconds before banging Gendry) “Yooooo you got any dry shampoo??”

Night king is kinda a stud. That sly smile in the fire....What’s up

Did the night king get hotter or is it just me? Feeling V. attracted. A real alpha male vibe

Kevin jonas’ real name is Paul. Paul Kevin. He was never even given a chance.

A dragon named Drogon. Fascinating.

My grandma always likes her own comments on Instagram. Thats the kind of confidence I’m going into today with.

*JUST ANNOUNCED* 12/1 VelvetEllis, Nikki 🎤🫶🏼 Tickets on sale Friday at noon bit.ly/1201EMercury

Tickets on sale now! Sunday 12/1 VelvetEllis Nikki 🎤🫶🏼 Get them here >>> bit.ly/1201EMercury

My main takeaway from elementary school is that oranges are really good for Scurvy.

Today I used the word belated and it wasn’t in refrence to a birthday. Quick! someone ask me for tea and crumpets, I want to keep riding this high.

The conversations on The Bachelor are just a bunch of high School Musical quotes rearranged. #sharpayskindacutetoo #onceinalifetime #meanstheresnosecondchance #TheBachlor #highschoolmusical

Quarantine game: every time you see a post that starts with “I never posts things like this but”.. venmo me two dollars. By the end of this quarantine, I will take all of that money and put it towards my rent... sorry I never usually post things like this but....

Day 8 of Quarantine: I get into a fight with my brother because tried to move my puzzle castle with a spatula so he could connect it to his puzzle clouds and broke 👏 my 👏life’s 👏work 👏in half.

Remember when in •How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days• Mathew Mcohnahey (OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL IT) is from Staten Island but just keeps his Texan accent ?

Burnt marshmallows and mescal pineapple smell exactly the same. Soo.. do with that what you will