Me: Mix salsa with his eggs so he eats the eggs. Husband: He likes to dip them. Me: He’ll just eat the salsa. End of breakfast.... Salsa gone....eggs untouched #momsknowbest

I'm performing tonight...via zoom!!! Come check it out!

Because all women are looking for a rose?!? Los Angeles Times we know a man wrote this crap. 👎👎

If more moms were CEO's, it wouldn't have taken a worldwide pandemic for curbside pick up. #momlife

The shrill screams of a toddler not wanting to nap would make the innocent confess. #momlife

My 18 month old pooped on the toilet!!!! (Whisper) Is it weird I don’t want to flush to savor this moment? #moms #toddlers #pottytraining

Nice reversal.

When I open my mac book and my earlier text message argument replays

I have plenty of dishes to wash...but yes put your broccoli in that toy colander and mash it around with the toy spoon. #toddlers

The generation that wouldn’t buy water 20 years ago now has hundreds of one-use water bottles in their garage.

My toddler pooped on the toilet today!!! He also ate dirt.

My son looks at me with all the concern in the world and says “oh no” his little finger points to my wrinkles. #momlife

My one year old said one of his 20 words “ROCKS” and handed them to me closed fist. Focused on him speaking and my workout I didn’t look at what he handed me for a bit...it was dog poop. 🤦‍♀️

Come take a (virtual) rideshare with me at Dances With Films Saturday, September 5th at 5pm or Sept 6th 3:30 for the UDRIVE ME Premiere. dwfla.com/2020/movies/ud…

My desk always has toys on it. #momlife

Only my one year old can use a tissue and then hold it up to my nose. #momlife