Uh - huh. For your own sake, I'm going to pretend I believe that lie. Ooooh my Gosh, you're gonna love it. It's where you post photos to show how much better you're doing then everybody else.

That's the fun part. You lie. This photoi took all the way down here? That was my father's funeral. But my followers dont know that, and my hair looked amazing.

Yeah, well. It's not exactly like his corpse is talking shit to me anymore. . . . That's a joke. The police still have his body. You can laugh.

We are skipping a couple steps but frankly, my biological clock is ticking. So, chop chop !

What’s it called when you’re super insecure but at the same time you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

Okay, ew. First of all, you didn't even buy it. Second of all, not even diamond. You / must / know my signature is diamond. But. . .hmmm. . . ( Slips the ring on. ) The green does bring out my eyes really well. . . And I haven't like, burst into flames yet.

Hasn't failed me yet.

I'm a hero of the people, truly.

This Valentines Day, dont forget that love is a lie and doomed to fail. Also, I offer divorce legal counselling half off for the next month.

There's no way someone gave you chocolates. ( Her ass did NOT get any. )

Susan gave me chocolates, but im pretty sure she like, deep fired them. . . . I'm not eating those. Especially after she said us "single ladies" have to stick to each other.

Okay, wait. Wait. No, we are not talking about MY love life - Who's??? Calra??

/ / Pacifica Northwest varniets. Source: trust me.

/ Heather Chandler nor Regina George is on this sheet 0/10

Jordan, dear. I know money and over-spending is kind of my. . . Thing. 💧💧 Maybe I haven't been the most responsible with it, but thats my own fault. I don't want your money, it's fine.