Please be patient with me. I'm fucking things up as fast as I can.

The older I get, the meaner I get. Pretty sure I'm going to start biting people soon.

Morning guys.

#Z

Do clouds ever look down on us and think, 'that one's shaped like an idiot' ?

As she stood
Upon the rocky ledge
Her future unknown
A rift now a wedge
Unable to retreat
Forward she must go
Aware of the danger
Guarded, she travels slow
Hoping for a shining light
A #marvelous adventure
To unfold along the way
Her happiness in sight
#vss365

Yes to all...

Do they deliver?

Do you have a specific name for your G'ma?

Always be nice to those people who have access to your toothbrush.

Morning guys.

#Z

Don't want to feel
That wasn't the #deal
I made the start
While cracking apart
Hidden from eyes
Of those sent spies
Words meant to strike
Nothing left to fight
You win
I'm done
Signed and sealed.
#vss365

I've been trying to come up with jokes about retired people.

None of them seem to work.

#NotSorry

Silence of the potato.

I spend a lot of time with the fridge door open looking for answers.

Morning guys.

#Z

Scientists have grown a pair of vocal cords in a petri dish.

The results speak for themselves.

#NotSorry

When you are going to steal fish from the supermarket my best advice is don't get cod.

#NotSorry

Weenus - the loose skin at the pointy end of your elbow.

Flagina - the webbing between your thumb and forefinger.

What can you add?

Thanks to my parents and a drunken game of scrabble.

Congratulations Abby on your debut book release day.

I wish you the highest success and can't wait to read it.

#releaseday
#NewRelease
#readersoftwitter
#writercommunity
#BookTwitter

I hate it when people mistake my 'WOW' for a compliment.

Morning guys.

#Z

If someone compliments you while under the influence of cannabis, would that be considered high praise?

People who believe global warming is caused by methane are known as flatulent earthers.

#NotSorry

Adele... I just can't.