Who's idea was it to add water holes near my eyes?

Don't forget, make sure to suplex your grandma daily for better back strength!

Happy Halloween everyone.

Don't think that because it isn't Halloween anymore that I won't stop ranting about those skeletons and their weird obsession with drilling holes.

Can't believe I'm turning 32 this week...

Today's the day when I received the womb eviction notice.

Now that I'm older, I'm going to start sucking sand-covered eggs to smooth out my throat.

I can't believe Luigi overdoses on black tar heroin in that new Mario game...

If I got a job as a medical worker and gave myself injections, I can legally say I stab myself as a profession.

Feeling like crack, smell like crap.

Fuck lungs! All they do is make me choke on water and die!

20 years from now, everyone will know about whale cheese and it's benefits to the immune system.

I think you should watch that new Monkey Wrench episode, otherwise I'll burn your house down with something other than lemons.

Hot, single, horny horned owls are in your area and they want to meet you!

I now have the sudden violent urge to beat people with leeks.

Sorry Zooble, you've lost choosing privileges today.