The poke bowl spots had to die so the handroll spots could live.

Pizza Rat has parted ways with Scooter Braun and is no longer managed by him.

If this isn’t the top Halloween costume of the year, then we have failed as a society.

Guess who accidentally drank veggie broth instead of iced tea this morning.

Egg salad has no business being as good as it is.

Put the bug spray in the sunscreen.

Name a more legendary costume duo. I’ll wait.

This Friendsgiving, are you bringing a spreadsheet or just a google doc?

Undercover Boss but it's celebrities in old people makeup just running errands.

What is the worst show to watch before you go to bed and why is it True Detective S4?

Suck it, 5 hour energy

Sue me, i loved Wonka.

the way this had a chokehold on us and i haven't thought about it once since it came out

I don’t think so honey, trivia nights that start at 8pm.

why

You know how 1 out of every 10 shishitos is spicy? It’s the same thing with baby carrots…except 1 out of every 10 actually tastes like a carrot.

imagine wishing someone Happy Birthday on Facebook

Every outgoing text i sent this month

You had to be there...

took them long enough…