I wish the Cleveland Indians were still called the Cleveland Spiders because I have a great idea for a racist spider onion.com/NECpwb

Only a savvy veteran like ichiro has the wisdom to tell his Yankee teammates that licking his elbow is good luck onion.com/Rh3zhp

Love Goodell making preseason secretly count as reg season! Now Pack'll gladly play 20 games to dig out of 0-2 hole onion.com/Rh3zhp

'ChicagaZor' is a brilliant invention. Seven bad players combined into one giant, terrible player. onion.com/N6GMzI

The US Water Polo Team must return from Croatia to teach water polo to children and be hung for treason. onion.com/N6GMzI

The US Water Polo Team must return from Croatia to teach water polo to children and be hung for treason. onion.com/N6GMzI

Historic moment for Bolt, showing up the racist Elizabeth II. But now people must do their part and overthrow her. onion.com/MlnZF6

.Kenny Kennedy, where am I? My room only has 6 walls, a TV, and a computer. I think I'm under concrete. I'm scared. onion.com/N5Ntns

Coach K is a genius for using a coxswain to motivate team USA. Bob Knight taught him the power of yelling. onion.com/N5Ntns

Being an apple-boy for Olympic archery target would be dream job. Best case champion, worst case dead. Win-win. onion.com/NLinSP

.Kenny Kennedy ridiculous that I need a passport to go to england anyway. USA is a british state. onion.com/NLinSP

God picking Olympians, 2x2 for each sport, for his ark. good. they should be rewarded, i should be dead. kenny too. onion.com/NLinSP

.Kenny Kennedy I met a very nice Bunkal who traded me a golf pencil for a half cookie. He didn't yell at me like you do. I petted his dog.

The Bunkals, golfers trapped in the bunkers at British Open, are poor lost tribe misunderstood by bigot @KENNYGoomf onion.com/LiykkS

Penn State wants to give victims closure the only way it knows how - let them smash JoePa's statue to tiny scraps onion.com/LiykkS

wrigley field ivy is a self-choking hazard. 2 much temptation to end it all. it's why I can't be around open water. onion.com/LiykkS

federer's losing it with wimbledon crabgrass fiasco, worst since agassi sold rod laver arena for 70 ft. pile of meth onion.com/MYuW9O

ok, chris bosh won a title and silenced the ostrich accusations. but why do his eggs still feed 24 people? onion.com/OAscoQ

new nike racing suits that streamline the penis are amazing. how fast can man run with his penis out of his way? onion.com/KWU2Hk

love the friendly t-shirt-shooting drones the marlins are using. goomf should hire a drone to shoot ties at me. fun. onion.com/KYNIU1