It takes a lot of time to make things go right, but they can all go to hell in a heartbeat...

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila!

You're not drunk till you have to hold the grass to keep from falling off the earth...

Its not too late to become the person you might have been

Can you die from constipation? I'm a little concerned how full of shit some people are.

Shades on... it's game DEY! 😎 Run it back, Cincinnati Bengals! 🐯 #RuleThePlayoffs

WHO DEY!

The United States had become a place where entertainers and professional athletes were mistaken for people of importance.. Heinlein

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done...

"To love is nothing. To be loved is something. But to love and be loved, that’s everything." — T. Tolis

Don't live with one foot in tomorrow and the other foot in yesterday because chances are you will will just be pissing all over today...

Is it too rude to throw a breath mint in someone's mouth while they are talking?

Everything happens for a reason… Sometimes that reason is you’re stupid and make bad choices…

Nudists are just people who were sick and tired of the endless cycle of laundry...

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you...

Hump Day... The day of maximum hope that maybe, you might make it out of this week alive, and hopefully get laid tonight!.

I know why Santa is so Jolly! Cause he knows where all the Naughty Girls live!

Alcoholism is the only disease that you can get yelled at for having...