Just stick the q-tip in your ear. God has abandoned us.

/sees youngest eating a cookie for breakfast

Me: “Are you eating a cookie for breakfast?”

Her: “Yup.”

That’s the whole conversation. No denial, lying, or shame. Very efficient in the morning. ❤️

Social experiment:

Take a picture of your beer fridge or current beer stockpile in the fridge. No editing. No removing anything. As is.

Whatchy’all got?

Uneaten Lucky Charms filler pieces watching as the final magically delicious marshmallow gets carried away to its death in a giant milky spoon.

The post-beach shower pre-dinner waiting for everyone else to get ready cocktail is very significant to many cultures. Depictions of it can be seen at Lascaux.

I hope Sacramento has a decent Classic Rock station.

Actually saw someone do that thing at a gas station where they pulled their car up to the pump with their gas cap on the outside, realized what they did, got back in the car, did a u-turn to the other side of the pump—still wrong sided, then realized it again. Wonderful sequence.

Me: /shoots and *just* misses an underhanded shot while standing barefoot and blindfolded on the wall of fire

My opponent: “That’s H-O-R.”

I hate when girls say they love to travel or enjoy physical touch. Those are both fouls. We will lose the game

Dudes rock.

Mrs Potters Lullaby is a perfect song.

Dreaming about summer.

Can confirm that, as always, Field 12 of the maryland soccerplex is fifteen degrees colder than any other specific location in the DMV. #iykyk

Is this where you would leave your shoes? It is not where I would leave my shoes.

lol - getting pizza slice and the guy in front of me (trying to banter with the cashier) is like “you made mine with extra love right” and the cashier very solemnly and Eastern European accentedly said “it’s made with normal amount pepperoni”