Uber sends notifications like "hey want to take an Uber right now?" No thanks, buddy. It's more for when I need to go somewhere

There’s a difference between a monopoly and just literally having a better product than everyone else

So after paying for my uni tuition that the boomers got for free, I now have to pay tax on my pension contributions when the boomers didn't, just to make sure that the boomers get an even more generous state pension with their final salary pensions, of which I will get neither.

oh so i’m not losing my mind

The Luftwaffe had nothing on Britain’s post-war town planners.

I like walking.

They’re doing the bit

hey Disney i didnt realize you were making a video game of zootopia. this looks incredibly subpar for the brand, and is the deciding factor in my decision to not go to the theater for Zootopia 2

Extremely heavy daily cannabis users can get bad puking after years of nonstop use. It’s called CHS. It’s very rare and goes away when you stop consuming or if you take a hot shower. Alcohol sends 570,000 people to the ER every year for puking and nobody writes scary headlines.

imagine you put your heart and soul into raising a child and they end up posting videos of themselves ringing the police trying to get rachel reeves arrested

Jeremy Corbyn calls Zarah Sultana

This is the way forward. Ban AI-generated visual art, ban AI music, ban photorealistic AI images of people. Shame corporations that platform and promote AI “artists.” Support human writing and human art.

yes i smoke weed at 7am

Excited for a Black Flag remake but also yes

You have to mess up so bad for your post-Prime Minister job to be YouTuber.

people clown on twitter, but this is literally the kind of thing i get on my feed and it actually improved my whole day. this app is so broken but damn sometimes it's still so good

I’m a genius if I say you skipped June?

Apparently I’ve ruined someone’s Christmas because they’ve left it until after 5 on the 23rd of December to come get their turkey