Oh look at me I’m Tom Holland. I’m starring in several blockbusters. I have my own movie trilogy. I’m marrying Zendaya. I’m playing Spider-Man. Fuck you.

how gay do you have to be to know who dylan mulvaney’s hairdresser is

I do think it's very funny that the Aaron Sorkin portrayal of Zuck in the Social Network now seems too flattering

I’d rather a Chiefs 3-Peat as Super Bowl winners rather than watch Josh Allen and the Bills win the AFC Championship next week. I’ll be rooting for a Washington/KC Super Bowl I suppose.

He just ordered the government to call you Bruce.

Thankful God gave me Pokemon autism instead of Nazi autism

ALEXANDER: The implication that this policy is new or that it stems from efforts that began under Biden is demonstrably false. TRUMP: Who said that, you? ALEXANDER: It's been on the FAA's website since 2013. Why didn't you change the policy during your first administration

Trump at the Superbowl was soundly booed and hissed. Heard clearly international coverage and commented on in multiple countries. US TV networks overlayed canned 'cheers' instead.

god keeps throwing shorter and shorter women at him but hes relentless, he simply will not be taller than anyone

After several delays, Department of Government Efficiency has finally posted its purported savings. Why did it take so long to create a simple webpage with a 1000-row table? Who knows! Let's dig in. Headline number: $55B saved. They list the savings per nixed contract. This should be easy to verify then. 🧵

When the Emilia Perez songwriters started singing their own song during their acceptance speech.

he looks like he has one more question to ask on the ghost tour

come on man

1. I do hours and hours of football programming every week. Sorry you were triggered by 54 seconds of someone talking about Jackie Robinson's legacy. 2. You're not even a sports fan. Keep grifting tho.

I just saw five minutes of ONE BATTLE AFTER ANOTHER. Everything’s going to be OK.

hey man can you hold this gun for a sec? make sure to grip it so your fingerprints really get on there

The most a price can come down, by definition, is 100%. That would take it to zero. Does Trump think stores are paying people to take eggs?

99.99999% of football fans would rather watch these breakdowns than hear Ryan Clark and Nick Wright bitch and moan for an hour every morning