* for entertainment purposes only

tired - doing something excellent with my life and being well-regarded for it wired - standing in awe as I watch Jesus do an actual miracle in someone’s life, and sob uncontrollably

Nebraska dropped a state slogan in 2019 that was “honestly, it’s not for everyone” and I felt that to my core

If they make feel like the only woman they see, good for you you’re lucky remember that

When a person ıs guilty..They get mad ..Big mad

Girls think they’re cool but they can’t helicopter their dick like guys can so..

There’s just too much ass on my TL

Good Morning!!! Cris is back.. The voices in my head talk mad shit about me like I'm not even here

Stop being naked on the internet, you're scaring the dogs.

Good morning!!! If anybody finds my dick in their dms please send it back. I've really got to take a piss

I like you, like you.

Good Morning!!! I like my women like I like my coffee: ready to go on the kitchen counter

“Mine” is full sentence, now make it so

So cats can be fat and hairy and sleep all day but when I do it I’m “a useless member of society” Fuckin alright then.

Such a tough life for these two.

Eat her out and make her coffee because that's a Good Morning

You’re like a hot hit of dopamine

I'm having a very difficult time lately not replying with complete sarcasm when people say some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard slip past their lips.

"You're never going to find another girl like me." Are you kidding me? There's 3.5 billion females on this planet, who the fuck are you? Calm your weave.