"I feel witchcraft upon me."

"This jackassery will not stand!"

"Perhaps you can do something about the evil spirit in my head."

"One day…I’m gonna make the onions cry."

"Turn that frown upside down. Use scissors."

"I’ve been through hell and came out singing."

"I’d sell you to satan for one corn chip."

"I’m addicted to shiny things."

"There's a time and a place for stabbing but this isn’t it."

"I wish I was decomposing in the mountains."

"Your fingers have fingertips but your toes don’t have toetips, yet you can tiptoe but not tipfinger."

"I disembowel. It’s what I do."

"I donated blood today…not my own though."

"Yes, I’m beautiful. But where is my mental stability?"

"Girl look at that body, girl look at that body, girl look at that body…we should probably call the police, who knows how long it’s been in the river."

"I’m not a hot mess. I’m a spicy disaster."

"My mind is like my internet browser. Nineteen tabs open, three of them frozen, and I have no idea where the music is coming from."

"I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost on the way back, now I have no idea what’s going on."

"I always mean what I say. I may not always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it."

"I’ve not lost my mind. Half of it just wandered off and the other half went looking for it."