I've never had a more frustrating customer service experience than trying to reach a live agent from Mr. Cooper Mortgage. If they hold your mortgage, I'm truly sorry. An absolute sham of a company.

In the past three years I have used three different tax websites/softwares—because fuck continuity, I guess?

TurboTax is the best one.
Have a great day.

On the one hand, I side with Doug Liman in his fight against @AmazonStudios and their reneging on their agreement to theatrically release the Road House remake.

On the other hand
(wild uncontrollable vomiting)

Jasmin Paris Jasmin Paris finished loop five of the #BM100 in 59:58:21.

Is there any more placating and condescending response than 'sounds like you know what you're doing'?

A definitive ranking of countries based on the quality of their public toilets:
1. Japan
2. Every other craphole country

Michigan is the Auburn of the Big Ten

It’s👏just👏a👏fucking👏cup!

Why is there ALWAYS that guy at the airport bar?

The fanciest art museum in the world only it's called Who Arted?

Are there people out there who don’t believe Flex Seal is that strong? Or does that dude just love making homemade boats?

Can’t wait for the “5x points on medical bills” credit card to drop

New rule—if the government shuts down every incumbent member of congress is disqualified from running for re-election.

I think the biggest perk of making it to the NFL is never having to squirt your own water bottle into your mouth.

There is no more smug a person than the guy taking the stairs right next to the escalator at the airport.

The way the self checkout says “put your CUCUMBER in the bag” is kinda dirty…

So does this mean we can all stop acting like playing the flute is a huge deal?

I wear suits now.

PUT THE BASIL NEAR THE REST OF THE HERBS IN THE GROCERY STORE

Most underappreciated comedic actor of the last 20 years?