me: *walks into school* person: *looks at me* me: they probably think i'm ugly me: they probably hate me me: everyone probably hates me

Facebook: *Scrolling down the newsfeed thinking:* "Whatever'' "Yeah Yo life sucks" "Song lyrics" "Inside joke?" "Needs a therapist"

"Hey, did you ask yet?" "No, my mom's in a bad mood.

me: I cant eat anymore I'm full food: eat me me: ok

Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?

Me: Okay brain, lets focus for just 45 minutes on this math test we can do this. Brain: DADADA BANANA LALALALALA AFRO SQUIRREL POTATO LALA

I'm the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.

When you want them, they don't want you. When they want you, you don't want them. When you both want each other, something messes it up.

Is there a way for me to donate my body fat to the starving kids in Africa?

I have abs..........................olutely nothing.

K.

they call me macklemore in math class because im like what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what what

I don't hate school. I just hate the teachers, homework, exams, and waking up in the morning.

Most people: 1 hour each night on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr. Me: Online all day everyday.

Twitter makes you improve your writing. The 140 character limit forces you to master the art of getting to the point.

Are you free tomorrow? , "No, I'm expensive, Sorry"

I’m no cactus expert, but I know a prick when I see one.

Me: Would you like to have some upsexy? Person: What's upsexy? Me: Nothing much, you?

I really wish my money would have unprotected sex in my wallet and multiply.

I have a smart phone with a dumbass battery.