“I said, ‘How are you calling me fat? Your whole house is fat.’ But I didn’t do that. I didn’t tear him up like that, but I could’ve really tore him up.” - Lavell Crawford

. @LilDuval Threatened To Beat Up Lavell Crawford Weighing 8 lbs

'I said 'Dude, you can hit me all day I won't even feel it.''

. ParisHilton Beat Out Lavell Crawford For Carl’s Jr. Commercial

'I said 'Who else can do a Carl's Jr. commercial but me?' They put Paris Hilton eating a damn Carl's Jr. Superstar. I eat the Superstar. Why ain't I doin the Superstar commercial? I got one in the car right now.'

. Lavell Crawford Talked Trash To Oprah Winfrey & Forest Whitaker & Says Breaking Bad Is Better Than The Sopranos

'I got on probably one of the best dramas ever to be written, to me. I know they say The Sopranos, but Breaking Bad is a vehicle entity in its own self.'

“Black Adam Sandler” - Katt Williams Wants Black Actors To Be More Like Adam Sandler Says Lavell Crawford

'I used to say I wanted to be a Black Adam Sandler cuz my goal is to get the opportunity to do a few movies and bring my friends in so they can eat.'

'I said, 'Which side you're going to beat up?' ... I said, 'Dude, you can hit me all day. I won't even feel it.'' - @lavellthacomic on lil duval

. Lavell Crawford Destroys Michael Blackson

Lavell Crawford: Michael Blackson ain't never been that damn famous, he ain't wrote a new joke since '73.

Shannon Sharpe: See now he gon come at me because you said that on my platform.

LC: I told him that. I don't give a f**k.

. Chris Tucker Cursed Out By @lavellthacomic

'We were doing an audition and that n*gga bumped me at the audition...I cussed his *ss out. He said 'Wait a minute man, come on man. I ain't mean it, I didn't know you was going up.''

Michael Jordan Got Mad At Lavell Crawford For Talking About Him

'I said 'Mr. Jordan can I get a picture with you?' He grabbed me and was like 'N*gga let me tell you something, I'll take a picture with you but you better stop talking about me.''

“I didn’t say you only date White women, but White women come and clutch onto a muscle-bound brotha with a career. … They see a goldmine and they dig it.” - Lavell Crawford

“@michaelblackson ain’t wrote a new joke since ‘73. … He ain’t even whole African.” - @lavellsthacomic

. Boosie BadAzz Disrespected Lavell Crawford

'I said 'Mr. Boosie Badazz can I get a picture with you?' He was like 'Yeah man hold on.' So I thought we was gonna take a quick selfie. He said, 'Let me go to the bathroom.' ... This m*ther f**er walks past me and goes sit down.'

. Mike Tyson Scared Of Lavell Crawford

'He's one of the baddest n*ggas in the world but he seen me light a n*gga up in the audience and Mike Tyson literally acted like he was scared of me.'

. Kevin Hart Don’t Look Dangerous Like Lavell Crawford - Lavell Talks Being Underrated & BET Being The Netflix For Black Comedy

'Being a big guy, we can't always get in where little Kevin Hart can get in cuz he don't look as dangerous as us.'

“When people bless you, you take advantage of their blessing.” - @lavellsthacomic

“I’m standing there looking goofy. … I felt even fatter.” - @lavellsthacomic

Boosie BadAzz

. Steve Harvey Hurt Lavell Crawford’s Feelings When He Didn’t Put Him In THINK LIKE A MAN

'I was like, 'Why the f**k I didn't get that opportunity?''

Lavell Crawford on having jokes stolen: “Make the check out to Lavell … especially if you’re famous!”

“F**k Rickey Smiley” - Lavell Crawford

Lavell Crawford (jokingly) attacks his friend Rickey Smiley and tells a story from their younger days as comedians when Rickey got Lavell out of jail.

“Rickey Smiley always throwing his life in my face.” - @lavellsthacomic