Partying in your thirties is basically having someone freestyle rap a therapy session to you in a rave

I feel like if they're gonna be this way then the TTC needs to pay for couples therapy

Love working from home for the freedom to break down and cry absolutely any time I want to

That moment when your life is going so goddamn perfectly that you can't even find the motivation to complain

Listen if you got ugly knees dont even talk to me this summer

Yes we're each others shadows but it would never get spicy

Funny how the US had nothing to say about the years of good air we sent over

Learning about Zion Williams personal life against my will

It's such a missed opportunity that dentists don't have you say "cheese" for the x ray

Gah Damn you still mad? Cool you can stay mad.

The Toronto air bender aka the back bender for your rear fender

I just want a little bit of 🤭🫶✨💕😭🥵⚡🤩

Lol imagine writing ten thousand words and still not telling the full story

Just a sampling of the great comedians hitting our stage this Thursday to Saturday for Legion of Stand-Ups! SO. MUCH. FUNNY! alvalcomedy @everydayjoemtl Empty da Clif Gino Durante Rush Kazi David Pryde Jacqueline Alves Heidi Foss & more! Info/tix comedynest.com

*Montreal* CASHIER: bonjour ME: oh! bonjour CASHIER: qu'est-ce que je peux t'offrir? ME: well it looks like the jig is up

Amazing that I've never had to convince anyone that someone else is crazy. They do that part all by themselves

Damn the streets don't look so great now don't it?

Happy that it happened but still sad because it's over

And we're back at the truth girls. Don't trust someone who's determined to misunderstand you.