Chu-Let-The-Dogs-OutβπΎπͺπΊπ¬π§π³π¬π³οΈβπ
@Chumantastic
Mainly #Comedyπ€£ #Family #Politics etc. Ask me the rest & Iβll tell youπ Back up account is @Chumantasticalπ
ID:1335362306218323973
http://mastodonapp.uk/@Chumantastic 05-12-2020 23:16:37
153,7K Tweets
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I got sick in Madrid, and my hotel told me they have a doctor on staff..
I was surprised to hear that. They said, 'No one expects the Spanish inn physician!'
#eveningseasonings
I own a bakery where all of my cakes are 99p. Except for one, which is Β£2.50.
One of my customers asked why it was more expensive than the rest?
I said βThatβs Madeira cake!β
#eveningseasonings
Lost my job at the paper and scissors factory on Friday..
They said I need to stop cutting corners.
#eveningseasonings
Even though Snow White had seven helpers..
she was always short staffed.
#eveningseasonings
When my wife and I argue, I always get the last word..
Theyβre usually, βIβm sorry. Youβre right.β
#SideSplittingSunday
Son: Help. I canβt remember the name of this fucking song, Dad.
Me: Use your manners, Son. Theyβre called love songs.
#SideSplittingSunday
I am a trans man. My biology will always show I was born female, my sex is female(the whole point of βtransβ), my GENDER IS MALE. I donβt care about the chromosomes, I donβt care what the archeologists say about my bones 500 years from now. Iβm living my life as the man I am andβ¦
My name is Chris. I am a 39 year old single man..no kids..never married. Iβm a trucker with an amazing dog. Oh, Iβm also trans-does that make me any different? No, our paths may be different and our struggles..but Iβm still human just as you, and just as all my trans brothers andβ¦
Thanks for all the suggestions. I had a couple of DMs asking why I didnβt just google it.
To those I say, sometimes itβs better to learn from people whoβve actually seen a movie than google.
She has decided to settle for thisππΎ
I hope Gayle Fallon doesnβt let her downππ€¦πΎββοΈππΎ
My wife said I need to start learning the definition of more words to improve my vocabulary.
I told her, βI donβt really care about that.β
She replied that I was being βapathetic.β
Iβm like, ββ¦a pathetic what?β
#eveningseasonings
I told my wife I was going to tell some Tom Petty jokes, and she warned me that I better notβ¦
But I wonβt back down!
#eveningseasonings
Today is not the day for OJ Simpson jokes..
But I might take a stab at it tomorrow.
*Too soon?
#eveningseasonings