I got sick in Madrid, and my hotel told me they have a doctor on staff..

I was surprised to hear that. They said, 'No one expects the Spanish inn physician!'

#eveningseasonings

What do cannibals call their cousins?

Cuisines.

#eveningseasonings

I own a bakery where all of my cakes are 99p. Except for one, which is £2.50.

One of my customers asked why it was more expensive than the rest?

I said “That’s Madeira cake!”

#eveningseasonings

Lost my job at the paper and scissors factory on Friday..

They said I need to stop cutting corners.

#eveningseasonings

Even though Snow White had seven helpers..

she was always short staffed.

#eveningseasonings

Wishing everyone a lovely Sunday from Chuville..
Well.. from the local Maccies a couple of miles from Chuville.. but who cares right😂🙏🏾❤️

Roses for my birthday! 🎂 Happy birthday to me 🥰 Hi guys, I’m overexcited! Slept 4 hours 🤣
I’m one year older & 2 years wiser!
My birthday cake is amazing 🤩 Can’t wait to blow the candles!
A little bbq at Siana’s later on😉
Have a wonderful day everyone!
I know you will🤍

This guy assaulted me with music..

He beat me up.

#SideSplittingSunday

When my wife and I argue, I always get the last word..

They’re usually, “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

#SideSplittingSunday

Son: Help. I can’t remember the name of this fucking song, Dad.

Me: Use your manners, Son. They’re called love songs.

#SideSplittingSunday

I am a trans man. My biology will always show I was born female, my sex is female(the whole point of “trans”), my GENDER IS MALE. I don’t care about the chromosomes, I don’t care what the archeologists say about my bones 500 years from now. I’m living my life as the man I am and…

My name is Chris. I am a 39 year old single man..no kids..never married. I’m a trucker with an amazing dog. Oh, I’m also trans-does that make me any different? No, our paths may be different and our struggles..but I’m still human just as you, and just as all my trans brothers and…

Thanks for all the suggestions. I had a couple of DMs asking why I didn’t just google it.
To those I say, sometimes it’s better to learn from people who’ve actually seen a movie than google.

She has decided to settle for this👇🏾

I hope Gayle Fallon doesn’t let her down😂🤦🏾‍♂️🙏🏾

Breaking news!
After many failed attempts to destroy Keir Starmer, the Tory Party is now trying to take down his number 2 - Angela Rayner. Using the Police powers to get rid of her.

My wife said I need to start learning the definition of more words to improve my vocabulary.

I told her, “I don’t really care about that.”

She replied that I was being “apathetic.”

I’m like, “…a pathetic what?”

#eveningseasonings

I told my wife I was going to tell some Tom Petty jokes, and she warned me that I better not…

But I won’t back down!

#eveningseasonings

Today is not the day for OJ Simpson jokes..

But I might take a stab at it tomorrow.

*Too soon?

#eveningseasonings

Partners in crime!🙏🏾