you wouldn’t last an hour in the asylum where they raised me

oh no. it happened. today i put an event in my google calendar with a smiley face next to it. i knew i was basic, but i didn't think i was this level.

taylor swift thinks she’s emily dickinson. matty healy thinks he’s mick jagger. travis kelce thinks he’s donkey kong

Apparently my baby likes falling asleep to nature sounds, so now every night it’s like I’m sleeping in a Rainforest Cafe.

stretched out piece of business gum

how it feels to walk around with an overpriced iced coffee when it’s warm outside

I’m missing the WGA awards tonight because I just had a baby but searching the hashtag and finding this gem is all the award I need.

you put some loose dollar bills in there and you got yourself a birthday party at a skating rink

This ain't Texas, this is Sesame Street! 🐴🤠😂❤️

D2: THE MIGHTY DUCKS needs to be acknowledged for having one of the great “getting the crew back together” montages, as well as featuring a cameo from the Mall of America and fallen soldier movie theater chain General Cinemas.

If there were ever an argument for making sure we keep making half hour comedies, it’s maternity leave. Nothing better than downing ten eps of a sitcom in the middle of the night when there’s a baby attached to me.

Had a dream last night that was just me talking about the trajectory of Alexis Bledel’s post Gilmore career.

Put her on the Traitors

that smiley face emoticon is so menacing

Season 11 has begun! And this week's main story is about the Supreme Court, the ethically questionable gifts some of the justices receive, and one very special offer for Clarence Thomas. Which could ruin John’s life. Genuinely. You’ll see.

this is like when America's Next Top Model moved from NY to LA

RFK JR. DROPPING NEW MUSIC

RFK JR. DROPPING NEW MUSIC