hardest part of beekeeping is thinking of all the names

I would have thought it's falling over in an ice skating rink, and someone skating over your outstretched fingers cutting them all clean off.

Weird that Tesla is laying off 10% of their workforce when many of their problems could be solved by only laying off 1 guy

WE HAS THE LEARNS

Uh oh. UH OH!

it’s a single burnt nugget on stale bread wrapped in a list of all the ways you’ve disappointed your parents

i understand that my body can't digest corn or whatever. that's fine. my issue is that i fucking chewed it. how the hell is it coming out back in the shape of corn. what are they not telling us

I wasn’t

how are there low birth rates when everyone here is a big baby

😭

*taps sign*

Saw Challengers

maybe birdwatching isn’t for him

I lose my self-control around cookies. Last week I had a package of oreos in the cupboard and i killed a guy

*Flicks cigarette after a long drag* Here's the thing. Poppa and momma bear slept in separate beds so maybe everything wasn't 'just right'

So is she gonna be 'Zendaya Holland' or is he going to become 'Tom'

Congrats, Village Person! Your tweet was picked as a winner by Julicorn in this week’s contest. 🏆

that's not true