Shots at the knot

Was excited to try Chik Fil A new Mac and cheese but was quickly disappointed when I found none in the bag. 🥺

Imagination brightens the future doodles.google.com/d4g/vote/#1e G V V ve V V

why is it that after u finish 13 years of school ur expected to say "yo im tryna do 4 more years of that and this time I wanna pay for it"

Witnessing Stay Forever from OOKAY will forever be my greatest memory of Bonnaroo #blessed

TRUMP: lets play chess MIKE PENCE: sure Mr. President TRUMP: my horse guy flies across the board and hits your king in the face. I win MIKE PENCE: excellent game Mr. President

judge: you’re charged with jaywalking how do you plead? me: *leans into mic* i’ll take the death penalty

Since I’m bored and 2017 was full of negative news stories, I’ve found some positive stories you probably didn’t hear about. A thread:

If you play 'In The Air Tonight’ by Phil Collins on December 31st at 11:56:40 the drum break will play right as the clock strikes midnight. Start off your new year right.

*skipping a pancake across a lake like a stone* park authority: please stop

When you take your first 700 level class. x.com/The90sLife/sta…

It’s only been a few hours and Stephen Hawking already mathematically proved, to My face, that I don’t exist.

Snowblowing before 10 should be a crime.

a denny’s haiku if you need a bath, but you’ve got no hot water, just use warm gravy.

if stephen hawking auto tuned his shit our youth would’ve probably gotten bachelor degrees instead of face tattoos

some kids want a car for their 16th birthday; smart kids want a truckload of pancakes for every birthday