Trimmed mustache tonight. Nespola said it was uneven. So I shaved her head. That seems pretty even to me.

Watching "Real Housewives of New Jersey." Those women really need to speak up so I can hear them over Nespola.

"It's a proprietary strategy. I can't go into it in great detail." - Bernard Madoff

Trying to please a wife is hard work. #EspeciallyWhenSheIsABitch #I'mTooOldForThis Nespola Cavicchio

Just decorated the house w/ Nespola Cavicchio. Unfortunately, she doesn't stick to the roof as well as traditional lights. #BaDoomChing.

So I threw the cat into the fireplace, what's the big deal? One less cat is one happier human. Nespola Cavicchio #MerryChristmas

I LOVE the texture in this oatmeal. I feel I'm getting a lot of fiber. #ThisIsWhyYouThrowCatsInTheFire #ForTheGreaterGood

#NoteToHusbands If you plan on throwing meat at your wife, make sure the Marvin Gaye is cranked up. #HadToGoBlue #SorryImNotSorry

I guess I can throw #JustAnotherMess onto that last tweet as well. Nespola Cavicchio

And maybe tack on #SheDidntCry too. #OKButSeriouslyIWillStopNow #ThatsWhatSheSaid #HashTagWithdrawal