me, an entertainer: come on, I wanna see you fucking move! gimme all you got! That’s WEAK! you can do better than that!!! YEAH! I LOVE YOU GUYS! a grown man: she was mean and yelled at me and made me have fun :( she could have smiled more imo

[IMMEDIATELY BEFORE ARRIVING A GLOBAL SUMMIT WHERE I KNOW THE WHOLE WORLD WILL BE WAITING TO SEE WHAT I HAVE TO SAY] "yeah, it's crazy, my doctor said I'm medically required to wear some sick-ass 1970's Harrison Ford-style aviators."

No Other Choice didn’t get a single nomination. Naturally, Park Chan-Wook now has to kill the other nominees until they reluctantly give him the Oscar.

The cops wanna question me about the death of my half-brother and I was so worried for a second, but this cop is a total loser lol. There's no way this Lieutenant Columbo guy will ever unravel my conspiracy. That inheritance is as good as mine! Hang on, he has one more question.

Re-reading The Odyssey I found this line from Menelaus (Who Bernthal’s playing) and I freaked out

"Little idiot" disastrously screws up attempt to retrace the footsteps of his idol. Einstein got his PhD at 26.

Rare we get to do this literally but

I've never killed anyone, but there is one, sort of half-exception. I get a call from General Oliver, and he asks me, "If Caesar wanted to kill President Kimball, who would oversee that operation?" I thought for a minute, and I say, "Vulpes Inculta, the head of the Frumentarii."

finally saw that new audience disclaimer at the Prince Charles Cinema. you all undersold how pointed it is. “meet the film at its level, not above it”. ouch! but glad they’re not mincing words anymore.

Chris Rock has died from injuries sustained at the Oscars (source: Variety)

Sean Penn should’ve been there waving the K-pop demon hunters wand.

I'm so confused. Hasn't this guy brutally murdered several people with a cattle gun?? How is he not behind bars???

Thought “she’s especially pretty here!” And then I realized….septum piercing and a wolf cut w bangs…

I coauthored the study you fuckhead.

This was, straightforwardly, a racist narrative designed to delegitimize Hannah Spencer's victory while also implying that British Muslims are in some way not full citizens. Despicable, gutter stuff for which there was (of course) exactly zero evidence.

To give you a sense of how weird time is, this hasn’t happened yet. It’s happening next week.

WOR$T GAY IN MANCHESTER Shakira Law

me trying to find the HDMI port on my TV