Roberto said James, you’re starting against AEK in the Europa League tonight. I said Really? He said Yes. I said Tonight? He said Yes. I said against AEK? He said Yes.

I left that meeting and said to Solly March, It looks like I’m starting tonight then.

Just spat out my morning cup of tea reading this stat about myself 🫖

I’ve just informed Roberto De Zerbi that I won’t be going anywhere this #DeadlineDay . He said Ok thanks James, I didn’t think you would be. I said Yeah, I’ve only just joined haven’t I.

Jürgen Klopp asked me if I had been talking to Brighton and Roberto De Zerbi. I said Non adesso, Jürgen. 🤌

There’s been a lot of chatter online about this masked rapper Dide. I’d like to officially state it is not me, James Milner.

Joel Matip just told me today was my 850th club career appearance. I said I know Joel. My last one was my 849th, so this one was my 850th.

Jordan Henderson just text me asking what I thought of the game. I said What a match Jordan, it was crazy. I can't believe Ayr United got a 0-0 draw against Queen's Park...

...he hasn't responded yet.

I just asked Trent if he handled the ball in the build-up to Gakpo's goal. He said Yeah I did. I said I thought you did. Luckily the referee didn't see it though. He said Yeah I know, luckily.

Eduardo Camavinga glided past me quite a few times in that first half. As I was closing him down, he said to me: I don't think you have the facilities for that big man.

I said to Jordan Henderson Football is strange isn't it? He said What do you mean? I said Well we beat Man Utd 7-0 last week, who are 3rd. And we've lost to Bournemouth 1-0 this week, who were bottom of the table. Crazy.

Jürgen and Virgil were angry at full time because we are hunting down Spurs for top 4 and this was an opportunity missed to close the gap.

I said Lads, calm down, it’s Tottenham.

I told Mo Salah I probably should have taken that penalty because I've got a very good penalty record but he didn't listen to me.

I said to Bruno Fernandes, You can say goodbye to the quadruple now we've beat you 7-0. He shouted AGORA NÃO JAMES.

I need a strong cup of tea to calm down after that.

I just asked Alisson if Thibaut Courtois held your beer?

I asked Klopp why he brought me off? He said because Mudryk had me on toast. I said Yeah, I can't argue with that boss. He's rapid.

I just said to Jürgen that I Konate believe some of the defending tonight. He said Not Now James.

Here’s a list of some of my new year resolutions:

- Trim tea consumption down to 8 cups a day (down from 9)

- Only interrupt Jürgen’s team meetings for very important news (upgraded from just important news)

- Teach Darwin Nunez how to shoot on target

New year, new James.

I just text Wayne Hennessey to tell him he probably should have stayed on his line. He said NID YN AWR JAMES.

I for one am pleased there’s no alcohol at the World Cup.