Duuuuuuuude! So great seeing you guys! THANK YOU! 🤘🏻

I’m in hotels A LOT, and I’m truly amazed at how often I take my room key out of my wallet to activate the elevator, then put it back in my wallet IN the elevator, completely forgetting I am going to need it again in 36 seconds to get into my room.

Hope everyone had a great holiday! C U N Thanksgiving!

First time cooking Christmas dinner; how long do you microwave an 8oz. filet? #MerryChristmas

I’ll keep the Christ in Christmas if you keep the Chaka Khan in Chanukah.

I live in a Van Gogh down by the river!

Between the #Eagles win and seeing an old man smoke a cigarette while pumping gas at #Wawa, I think I witnessed two wins today. #GoBirds

Went a little crazy and bought $1,000 in Eagles merch. If anyone needs a copy of Hotel California on vinyl, let me know.

Just got word from a close friend that at St Peter and Paul cemetery there are groups tailgating at the graves of their loved ones- only in Philly # DELCO !!!

“Alexa, who won the Super Bowl?” - me, every five minutes. #gobirds #Eagles

DELCO! COMEDY NIGHTS at Paxon Hollow are two weeks away! THREE nights to choose from! 8pm each night/$20 on Thurs/$30 on Fri & Sat. Food and drink available during the show! RESERVATIONS REQUIRED! Round-up a crew and come on out!

DELCO! LAST CALL! Comedy Nights at Paxon Hollow this weekend, with THREE shows to choose from! $20 p/p Thurs, $30 p/p Fri and Sat. CASH ONLY AT THE DOOR. 8pm each night, drinks and appetizers available during the show. Make your reservations!

SAN FRANCISCO! Let’s have some fun!

#NewProfilePic

Happy Opening Day! @phillies #phillies

Just went out for a walk and a car full of teenagers drove by me. One yelled something out the window and another gave me the finger. I couldn’t hear what they said because I had my AirPods in, but I immediately just started laughing. I’ll take a heckler on an off-night.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the hot moms.

#Philly announced that we’re getting a WNBA team in 2030 during this insane, historical city-wide strike. The teamh name hasn’t been announced yet, but the Philly Strikers seem fitting.

Oh snap! TWENTY YEARS AGO was the first Helium Comedy Club open-mic!

Over two decades in stand-up and not a single week goes by where I don’t think ofnthe fact that Tony Danza saw one of the most epic bombs of my entire career.